Best Jokes

The best jokes are clean jokes that you can tell anyone. It’s Humor Tuesday (5th Tuesday of the month), so here are some of the best jokes I know. I heard Hiding when I was in high school, and it’s been in my repertoire ever since.

Hiding
Low Voice: Where are you?
High Voice: I’m hiding.
Low Voice: Where are you?
High Voice: I’m hiding.
Low Voice: When I find you I’m going to kiss you.
High Voice: I’m behind the piano.

Kids like slapstick humor and jokes like The Hippo that are easy to visualize.

The Hippo
Q: How can you tell if there’s a hippopotamus in the bathtub with you?
A: You can’t. They swim underwater.

Someone was making faces and giving the photographer (me) rabbit ears.
Someone was making faces and giving the photographer (me) rabbit ears.

I heard The Duck and Duck Food joke years ago from Ardella, a close friend of the family who always speaks with perfect diction. So when I tell it, I try to imitate Ardella.

The Duck and Duck Food
A duck entered a pet store: Do you have any duck food?
Clerk: No, we don’t carry it.
Duck: Okay. Thank you. Goodbye.

Do you have any duck food?
Do you have any duck food?

The duck went back the next day: Do you have any duck food?
Clerk: No, I told you yesterday we don’t carry it.
Duck: Okay. Thank you. Goodbye.

The duck went back the next day: Do you have any duck food?
Clerk: No, we don’t have any duck food! I told you yesterday and the day before that we don’t carry it. If you ask me again, I’m going to nail your feet to the floor!

The duck went back the next day: Do you have any nails?
Clerk: No.
Duck: Okay. Do you have any duck food?

~~~~~

The first time I heard The Wayside Chapel was at camp in 7th grade, when my sense of humor was still juvenile and sensitive, let’s say, to bathroom humor. (Take note, parents.) The second time I heard it was in college. Knowing what was coming made me laugh even harder, and it still cracks me up. I didn’t know it was connected to Jack Paar until I looked it up just now.

Thanks for stopping by today!
p.s. If you have a favorite joke, please do tell.

posted on March 31, 2015

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